1. The Muppet Christmas Carol

Yet another instance in which Henson Productions encouraged the rapid expulsion of fluids, The Muppet Christmas Carol should never, ever have been shown to kids. Notwithstanding the sinister overtones of a bleak, impoverished Victorian London (even if the ragged inhabitants are fuzzy puppets with hands up their asses), the pièce de résistance of scary moments comes when Michael Caine’s Scrooge meets the last of Dickens’ ghosts. The child-like floaty hell that was the Ghost of Christmas Past was bad enough, but the hooded monstrosity representing the Ghost of Christmas Future was so eye-bleedingly traumatizing that no amount of Christmas chocolate could coax us back into coherence. One humdinger of a humbug.