Everyone loves boobs. They’re one of the (many) things that make women special. Maybe that’s why we hate man boobs – and we’re not talking about aggressively toned upper chests here, either. We’re talking about bouncy, hooter-tastic protrusions, which, whether formed by fat, aging or a diabolical fashion sense, dangle in a way that they just shouldn’t. And we don’t like that at all. So here are some of the greatest moobs in celebrity land! Enjoy!
10. Ice T
It’s not a competition Icey! Mr T (the second) is pictured with his jugalicious wife Nicole ‘Coco Marie’ Austin, who seems to be wearing a sum total of three g-strings. However, the real shockers here are placed on the upper left and upper right sides of Mr Tracy Marrow’s chest (for that is his real name). Those some man humps! Now put a shirt on.
Cup size: 36C
9. Jack Black
Jack Black might be on the chunkier side of things but he certainly is a man who is proud of his bosom. Black apparently extols that he’s endowed with “more cushion for the pushin”. We can spot at least two, though there might be a spare tire in there as well. However, with that ‘stache we’re in no doubt about his extraordinary masculinity!
Cup size: 38A
8. Jorge Garcia
Jorge (‘Hurley from Lost’) Garcia is certainly one of the most buxom gentlemen in American entertainment today. This fella supposedly spent months and years of his life on a Pacific island without either losing weight or ever taking his top off. We can only imagine there was a continuity assistant desperately feeding him tacos. But did those man lumps play an important part in the future of the island? We’ll never know now.
Cup size: 46D
7. David Hasselhoff
The man formerly known as Michael Knight and behind such musical hits as ‘Jump In My Car’ might not need much more than a trainer bra, but, as they say: “Don’t hassle the Hoff. He’s lactating.”
Cup size: 36AA
6. David Gest
Oh no! Liza Minelli’s melting! And she’s taken her top off! Think of the children! Oh. Wait. That’s David Gest, her alarming former husband. It’s a perhaps overlooked fact that fat celebrities rarely remove their tops. But surgery-addict Mr Gest? He’ll have ’em off in a jiffy.
Cup size: 34B
5./4. Arnold Schwarzenegger / Hulk Hogan (tied)
Both Ahnuld and Ho Ho managed to triumph over a crippling level of shyness and a limited grasp of the English language to succeed in their respective careers. Not really! Nevertheless neither gravity nor time have been so kind to their bodies, which might best be described as ‘ravaged’. Sure they’re still alarmingly toned, the better to smash members of the public, but this is what 30 years of being ripped does to you, producing bronzed sagging, scary man chest.
Cup size: 36A/36B
3. Simon Cowell
While the SiCo (he prefers to pronounce it ‘psycho’ rather than ‘sicko’) has built a globe-spanning career from making fun of the mentally unstable, rarely does he reap as he sows. And that’s despite having spent years combining some over eager mammary glands with some exceedingly tight t-shirts, and shlumping it about with the world’s wealthy while looking decidedly like a chubster. For shame Simon! Fortunately, in recent years he’s begun to withdraw his so-called ‘little beauties’ from competition thanks to the efforts of his fiancÃ© Mezhgan Hussainy.
Cup size: 38A/38B
2. John Travolta
As an actor who has had more career troughs than Naomi Campbell has had hot dinners (at least half a dozen), John Travolta is a man who knows how to bounce back. And so does his chest! Ba-zing! There’s more to this picture than that though. What’s with the supervillain haircut? What’s he doing with his hands? And why does he look so pleased with himself?
Cup size: 38B
1. Jack Nicholson
Jack Nicholson, the other easy rider, looks like he has been taking things a little bit too easy of late. In fact, these are some of the ripest, plumpest man boobs we can lay our hands on. The sun on the horizon, a swimmer in trouble and Jack jogging across the shoreline – and you can imagine things going all Baywatch. But that probably wouldn’t be a good idea – not that he wouldn’t be willing to give some mouth-to-mouth, to the right person. Nevertheless, Mr Nicholson’s charms still seem very much to be in effect (see below). It seems Jack really can have his cake and eat it!
Cup size: 36D
Before: Scarlett Johansson, Tom Ford, Keira Knightley
After: Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill and Jason Segel
There’s a reason they call it Vanity Fair (points were deducted for lack of male upper body nudity).
Cup size: Various