10 Best Porn Parody Outfits Ever

Porn parodies are the acceptable face of adult movies for the majority of regular people. Most of the time, we’d rather not, ahem, engage with the existence of such a seedy industry. But even the most prudish moral guardian, schoolteacher or Supreme Court Judge couldn’t help but enjoy the ridiculousness of Edward Penishands. Or a hilarious alternative version of Inception with nudity and improved dialogue.

The key to the success of a parody is in the costume department. The budget may be lower than in Hollywood, but you need to capture the essence of the original source or else the audience’s attention (both mental and physical) will be lost forever.

10) The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody

The X-Files was a series with so much sexual tension, you could cut it with an unexplained alien knife. The Sex Files manages to harness all the claustrophobic tension and mystery of the original X-Files series, and adds the smut that nerds everywhere were waiting for. Director Sam Hain captures the feel of the TV show, and Anthony Rosano is a good match for Mulder. The true genius, however, is in the casting of Kimberly Kane as Scully. She’s a perfect pseudo-Gillian Anderson. And the costumes here are simple, but just right – as close as you could get to the real thing. I Want to Believe.

9) Whorelore

There’s nothing sexier than an elf. Unless it’s two elves. Directed by Dez, and starring a whole cast of adult entertainment’s best and bustiest (including Hannah Harper above), Whorelore takes the World of Warcraft phenomenon, and adds an erotic element to the immersive sword and sorcery genre. The outfits here are extremely impressive, ranging from chainmail and armor, to leather and furs, to… not very much at all. The high budget creates a realistically unreal world. And you thought you weren’t already spending too much time online.

8) Flintstones – A XXX Parody

This is a pretty dead-on Flintstones look. The dresses look right, people have bones in their hair, and Peter O’Tool ranks just below John Goodman and far above Mark Addy in the live-action Fred standings. Director Will Ryder has created an authenticity that is difficult to argue with; one does question which animal’s skin was used to make Fred’s outfit though. Something big and orange. We’re beginning to doubt the historical accuracy of the Flintstones in general. This is one case, however, where the accuracy of the imitation may be the movie’s undoing. The Flintstones was a lot of things, but sexy wasn’t one of them (although for a cartoon Wilma was pretty hot…). We’re terrified at the kind of household appliance that the prehistoric birds were required to emulate.

7) The A-Team XXX – A Parody

In The A-Team XXX: A Parody (directed by David Lord and perhaps named by a litigation-conscious lawyer) expect lots of explosions, some stock shots of helicopters, and possibly – we’re not guaranteeing anything here – some kind of double entendre about “loving it when a plan comes together”. The A-Team is a dream project for a costume designer. “Cigar and wig? Check. Guy in a hat? Check. Mohawk and gold chains? Check. Right – let’s go make a movie!” The best thing about doing a porn remake of a movie which is itself already a remake is you get to retain the moral high ground. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two remakes make you ignore originality, and just imagine what wacky lie it will take to get BA on the plane this time.

6) Super Hornio Bros

Yes, that is Ron Jeremy as Mario. Yes, that is the least sexy thing you’ve ever seen. Yes, you will be Googling this later. Despite the low budget of this 1993 movie, the terrible dialogue and the graphic sexual content, Buck Adams’s parody is somehow a more faithful tribute to the original video game than the terrible Bob Hoskins Super Mario Bros movie of the same year. The outfit is just right, but Jeremy’s stare provides a seedy element that means we’ll never feel the same way about saving Princess Peach again.

5) This Ain’t Star Trek XXX

Directed by porn parody master Axel Braun, This Ain’t Star Trek XXX is an attempt to capture the sexual frustration of Kirk and crew in a more explicit way than was permitted on NBC in the ’60s. The aesthetic of the Enterprise (no, they didn’t bother to change the name) is just right in its retro/futuristic appeal. The different colored uniforms depending on occupation (science/command/cannon fodder) are replicated, with Evan Stone’s Kirk outfit landing on just the right side of ridiculous: the ridiculous side. Braun’s movie stays true to the original Star Trek’s look, and also gets to have fun with the alien outfits. This is truly the Swinging Sixties. In Space.

4) Superman XXX: A Porn Parody

An obvious target for parody lifted above the crowd by attention to detail. Axel Braun’s upcoming tribute to Richard Donner’s 1978 Superman is all about the specifics, from Ryan Driller’s slicked back hair to Andy San Dimas’s pink underwear. These costumes are so iconic, you need to get them absolutely right, which in turn makes the little changes more effective (see Superman’s modified S/X logo). Braun’s respect for the source material is clear from the awesomely serious Behind the Scenes featurette. Let’s hope his faithfulness doesn’t extend to Superman’s powers, or the sex scenes will involve significant bruising, laser-vision burns and people getting thrown into the sun. Which we find tends to kill the mood. You’ll believe a man can fly. And do lots of other stuff.

3) Pirates

This big budget tribute to the Pirates of the Caribbean movies is a can’t-miss premise. An ensemble cast (including Jesse Jane and Carmen Luvana) sail through the high seas of pirate-based innuendo. Billowing dresses, feathered hats and bulging corsets abound. Luckily the movie has arrived in the age of sexy pirates. It would be a less appealing prospect if the crew all had thick beards, wooden legs and parrots on their shoulders (the latter would probably violate American Humane Association regulations). You’d be forgiven for thinking you were watching the original Jerry Bruckheimer trilogy. Except we’re 96% sure this version isn’t based on a Disneyland ride.

2) This Ain’t Avatar XXX

Jumping on the previously unknown Giant Blue Cat-People demographic, This Ain’t Avatar XXX, starring Chris Johnson and Misty Stone, is a bold attempt to match James Cameron’s $300 million blockbuster with a budget of… less than that. Director (once again) Axel Braun has foregone CGI in favor of body paint and prosthetics, with surprisingly effective results. The movie is also being released in 3D, which should provide an immersive experience in a number of ways. As well as the costumes, the wooden acting and stilted dialogue are an almost exact replica of that found in the original Cameron movie. Also, it raises our chances of seeing the Dirty Smurf movie we’ve all been waiting for.

1) Batman XXX: A Porn Parody

What is it about superheroes that makes them so popular in the adult entertainment industry? Is it the spandex? The danger? The barely-suppressed perversion? Probably all of the above. Batman in particular has the right blend of psychosis and muscles to appeal to an erotic sensibility. In fact, Joel Schumacher’s rubber-nippled 1997 Batman and Robin was beyond any conceivable parody. Batman XXX: A Porn Parody is a love letter to the ’60s Adam West Batman TV series, and this affection is written all over the screen. From Evan Stone’s lime green Riddler body-condom, to the little eyebrows on Dale DaBone’s Batman mask, everything is perfect. The whole movie highlights how thin the line is between ’60s superheroism and modern smut sensibilities. It almost makes you wonder what Adam West and company got up to when the cameras weren’t rolling…